I think Hubby and I finally figured out the Christmas situation. We will pretty much be doing what his family has always done, but will be taking time early on Christmas Eve for just the three of us and to open presents from my family. This way we won't be creating any waves with his family and can still feel like we aren't shoving my family aside.
It wasn't the compromise we originally talked about, but I finally realized that my job as a parent is to make sure my little girl has the best holiday possible and that she has a good relationship with her grandparents - not to make sure I get have the Christmas I grew up with or part of it.
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